Bella's Baby
by MonkeyMojo
Summary: Bella comes home with a stolen baby... Weird things start to happen.
1. I Got A Baby!

**I don't own Twilight. I do own this **_**b-e-a-utiful**_** laptop. Heh… Anybody know what movie that's from?**

* * *

**Edward's Point Of View**

* * *

"Edward!" Bella sang as she walked in to the room.

"Guess what I got, Edward!" She said.

"Um, I don't know, love. What?" I asked, happy that she was in a good mood. She had been slightly moody lately.

"I got… a baby!" she said happily.

I looked at her sharply. "A what?!"

"I got a baby! Isn't that great? She is _so_ cute!" she said. "You'll love her!"

She ran out of the room, apparently to get her new baby.

"Alice!" I called out quietly, knowing she would hear me.

She came into the room and looked at me pleadingly and sheepishly at the same time, if that was possible.

"I tried to stop her, I really did! But now that she's a vampire she's so fast! I couldn't get to her in time to stop her from taking the baby… And, Edward… there is something you need to know about her. Bella doesn't know but—" Alice began, but was cut off by me shrieking, "SHE STOLE IT?!"

Just then Bella skipped back into the room with a baby in her hands.

"I did not steal her!" She told me indignantly. "And you will not refer to her as 'it'. I haven't thought of a name for her yet…But I will!"

The little girl looked to be about one or two years old. She had curly blond hair and big blue eyes. I had to admit, she was ridiculously cute… for a baby.

I was curious to see what I could hear from a baby's mind so I probed around a little bit.

To say I was shocked out of my mind would be an extreme understatement.

Before I could warn Bella, she said, "Just look at her, Edward! Isn't she just the cutest little thing! I got her some books from the library, and I'm going to go read to her now!"

"Bella, wait, there is something you need to know—" I started desperately, but she was already out the door.

I sighed and decided I would tell her later. I didn't think one little baby would be much of a threat.

I chuckled sarcastically to myself. _Famous last words…_

* * *

**Bella's Point Of View**

* * *

I walked with the baby in my arms towards mine and Edward's room. I had picked out a book my mother had read to me often. Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You? By Dr. Seuss.

I sat on the floor with her and opened the book. The baby looked a bit bored, and I hoped she would like reading.

"Oh, the wonderful things Mr. Brown can do! He can go like a cow! He can go MOO MOO," I read to her in a baby voice, "Mr. Brown can do it. How about you?"

"Come on sweetie, can you go MOO MOO?" I asked, wrinkling my nose at her and making baby faces.

She looked at me slightly disdainfully and said, "Of course I can, you idiot. I bet you can too, you freaking cow."

She then got up and walked over to the bed.

"I'm going to lie down and pretend I'm napping. Wake me up when you get some brain cells. Or when your hot husband comes back… Yummy." She said, leaving me completely shocked.


	2. My Baby's A What?

**

* * *

**

**Bella's Point Of View**

* * *

_Well, that was different..._ I thought calmly. Then I slowly got up, went to the door, walked to Edward's room, walked up to him, and screamed.

He looked up at me from the couch and said, "So, I'm guessing you realized she's a vampire."

* * *

**Edward's Point Of View**

* * *

"WHAT?! A vampire? You're crazy! I was just going to tell you that we have a very intelligent child. She can speak whole sentences! And she has great taste in men." Bella told me.

I looked at her in shock. "You can't honestly tell me you think she's normal!" I said.

"Well…" she began.

"Yes?" I prompted.

"She is a bit rude. She called me a cow." Bella said with a pout.

I rolled my eyes. "Bella, listen to me carefully. She—is—a—VAMPIRE."

"But she's a baby!" Bella protested.

"Babies can get bitten just like grown ups." I said.

"Heh heh… you said 'grown ups'…" she giggled.

I sighed. "Bella… focus, please?" I asked.

She frowned. "Fine! So… she's a vampire. I suppose I can believe that… I mean, she's so cute! No baby can be that cute! Unless they're a vampire! Oh, my goodness! Edward, guess what!" she yelled.

"Um… what?" I asked.

"You know that baby I found? Well, you'll never believe it, but she's a vampire!" she cried.

I rolled my eyes.

"I know, right? It's crazy!" she said.

"Bella, I just _told_ you she's a vampire!" I yelled.

"Huh? Whatever, I'm gonna go check on my baby…" she said as she walked out of the room.

I decided we needed a family meeting.

Soon.


	3. Hey There Baby

**Edward's Point Of View**

* * *

It took five hours to get everyone gathered in the main room.

'Why?' you may ask… Well, Carlisle didn't want to be bothered, he was 'working' (playing Scrabble). Esme was cooking… even though none of us ate… Emmett and Rose were otherwise occupied (playing Scrabble). Jasper and Alice were playing chess.

Bella and the baby-vampire were the hardest to get down. I have a feeling the baby would have come willingly enough if Bella had let her go… but Bella refused to come down because apparently we were all conspiring to steal her baby away from her. I finally had to break down the door and literally drag her out kicking and screaming, while the baby just walked down with her arms crossed, scowling at us all.

Finally, we were all seated.

"Alright, now that everyone is here, let's start the meeting with our secret handshake!" Carlisle said.

"Um… we can't. The baby will see. Then it won't be secret anymore." I said to him.

He frowned, "I guess you're right… I just love that handshake…"

The baby growled and said, "I AM NOT A BABY! I am two hundred and eighty nine years old! I am NO LONGER a child!"

"Two-two-two hundred and… oh… my goodness…" Esme sputtered.

Bella wailed, "Oh, my baby! My baby is all grown up! I can't believe it!"

"QUIT CALLING ME BABY!" the baby screeched.

"Well then, you should tell us your name." Jasper said calmly.

She glared at him and said, "My name is Delilah."

She had barely finished speaking when Emmett got a huge smile on his face and shrieked, "HEY THERE DELILAH!"

"NO! Don't you dare! I hate that song!" she yelled at him.

"Fine, fine…" Emmett said. He was still smiling, though.

"Can I ask you something?" Alice asked.

"I guess…" Delilah answered warily.

"How were you changed? What cruel person would bite a baby? Not that you're still a baby! But, you know…" Alice said.

"I was bitten, not by a human, but by a… rogue kitten." She answered solemnly.

We gasped.

"No way!" Rose cried.

"Yes way… it was a dark and stormy night…" she began, but was interrupted by Emmett saying, "Hey, Delilah, can I ask you something?"

She growled quietly, "I suppose…"

He grinned and asked, "What's it like in New York City?"

We were not expecting what came next…

She got angry. _Very_ angry… if she had been human she would probably have been a dark purple color…

"I…TOLD…YOU…I…_HATE_…THAT…SONG!" she fumed.

She opened her mouth to say something else, but instead, she exploded.

_**BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP!**_

The loudest burp I had ever heard came from her tiny baby mouth.

Then the room was filled with butterflies.


End file.
